Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Competition Victory!

I can't believe I won! But thanks to a bit of number crunching and the blessing of John Walker, I'm now the proud owner of Zeno Clash!

Mighty fine game it is too, linear but visually unique, combined with equally special melee combat.

See my entry after the jump.

Verbatim entry:

Who would win in a fist fight between Jim, John, Kieren and Alec?

This sort of puzzle is inherently difficult to solve. I have no experience of your persons or fighting abilities, I've never met any of you and hardly know you. All I really know about each of you is that you write about games on a blog I like to read.

That in mind I shall solve this conundrum by reading the blogs you write and making a game out of it. Ha! Take that chilli.

Here's how my version the duel works:

  • Each fighter is made up of their last 5 posts. (joint posts not included. Starting from 5 posts before the competition post up to the respective post before the competition)
  • A fighters HP is based on the total word count of the last five postings for each of you. Clearly verbosity = Stamina.
  • Punches are thrown using 'and' and 'the' scoring 5 damage each.
  • Uppercuts are performed using the key words 'RPS', 'Shotgun' or shouting the name of your opponent resulting in 50 damage.
  • Block, dodges and feints are rare in this unpractised arena and only occur with the actual words: Block, feint or dodge are mentioned. Each mention serves to negate 5 points, however, as your opponent is off guard your next punch does double damage. (so right I take 5 points off the dodger and put in on the dodged)
  • Similarly if 'slips', falls' or 'banana' are mentioned, the fighter loses 5 points and allows their opponent a free hit.
  • If any fighter mentions the word KO or Knockout (no exceptions) their opponent is down and out and that fighter wins. Clearly the sooner the better.
  • Similarly if a fighter is 'unconscious' they suffer a loss.
  • Otherwise the winner of a fight is the writer with the most HP left.

OK lets begin.

I've had to tabulate this on a spreadsheet which I can email if desired. Phew did it take a long time too!

Anyway here are the results:
THE fights!

Damage 1155785
Remaining HP1104156

Damage 11552100
Remaining HP-2111845

HP1889 437
Damage 1160240
Remaining HP1649-723

Damage 840295
Remaining HP-7482160

Damage 840240
Remaining HP1071-403

Damage 2402095
Remaining HP-16582760

As you can see the undefeated champion here is John! Congratulations! Of course he did have a bit of an unfair disadvantage when his Mafia II preview contained nothing less than 2400 words; an insane amount of stamina! You other boys take note, this John Walker really takes advantage of his blog space.

Interestingly the fight between Alec and Kieren was pretty close. But Alec came in a respectable second on this clash of the verbiage.

Lets spare a moment to commiserate poor Jim, who's small but relevant articles just don't pack the verbal punch to cut the proverbial mustard. Sorry Jim, if it's an consolation I wanted you to win.

Some points not mentioned in the data.

  • Both Kieren and John had several falls during their fights but it made little impact on their overall performance.
  • There were two possible knockouts by Kieren and Jim, one mentioning KOTOR and the other mentioning Korea! Ah so close boys, just need to pump some more iron.
  • There was a secret battle for the ratio of and's to the's. In this fight Jim wins with a 0.25 and's to every 'the'! Go Jim! Also Kieren lost this battle with a ratio of 0.52. Ha ha Kieren, Fail.
So there you go I now declare the RPS fisticuffs fight over in the only way I know how! What fun we all had.

Safe Journey

Solar out

Grumblings continue...